This is my day:
6.15am husband kisses me tenderly to the sound of birdsong. "Bye then," he whispers. I hear the door close behind him.
6.20am boys wake up.
6.22am baby wakes up.
6.23am lie there wondering how much harm could come to the baby if I leave her to the tender mercies of her brothers for the next 20 mins.
6.25am hear loud baby wail.
6.26am get up. Extremely reluctantly.
6.28am go to bathroom. Remember that toilet in rented house is broken and has been broken for three days. Only flushable with large bucket of cold water. Husband away for next four days. My job to sort out.
6.31am to 6.52am Change baby. Get dressed. Look in mirror. Think: "Bloody hell." Go downstairs. Find rice krispies all over the kitchen floor after boys went exploring in new packet to find non-existent toy. Curse Kellogg's. Explain adventuring in the cereal packet is a dangerous thing to do.
6.53am breakfast. Remember that gas cylinders for cooker ran out last night. Abandon plans for bacon. Recommend toy-free cereal and toast.
7.45am upstairs to change baby and supervise dressing for boys.
8.05am discover four-year-old flooding the bathroom having given his toy rhinoceros a swim. Explain flooding the bathroom is not a good idea. Indeed, dangerous.
8.35am get in to car and set off for school. Realise husband has filled it with petrol. Cheer.
8.50am arrive at school. Find school has introduced a friendship bench. Cheer.
9.15am leave school to take six-year-old to doctor's appointment for check up and jab.
9.35am chase grumpy baby round the waiting room, attempt to read book to boys, persuade four-year-old off the slide meant for babies, attempt again to read book, abandon book, bribe all three with white chocolate to keep quiet.
9.50am see doctor
10.25am return six-year-old to school. Ignore his plaintive pleas that he does not want to play out at break time.
10.30am head for friend's house. Congratulate self for remembering to put in car, gift for new baby and siblings.
10.55am arrive at friend's house for coffee and the adoration of the babii with other mums. The health visitor is there. The health visitor who was my health visitor. That went well. Hand over gifts, wrapping paper (in a nice roll, why waste it?) and card with the ink still wet. Drink coffee. Draw in deep breath in preparation for the rest of the day.