Sunday, February 18, 2007

Machine versus man

All weekend machines conspired against me. I heard them whispering. The TV is ofcourse a dead zone, sulking because my husband refused to get it a satellite companion. They have taken revenge because a man in overalls fixed the phone when they believe it had the right to a duvet day or two. Worse than being without a phone was the fact I kept forgetting it did not work and would pick up the receiver and say "hello, hello?" like someone in a 1930's movie summoning a monochrome operator to the drama. I cannot even use my mobile. Up here, people have mobiles but more in hope than any expectation of using them. What century do we live in? Why is it necessary to stand by the bedroom window, open the wooden shutters and stand on one leg to make a call. The landline had only just been teased into submission when the car gave up the ghost. I cannot be sure but I think I hurt the Volvo's feelings when I said we had too many cars. This morning, my husband arrived just past 2am on a 24 hour stopover between work crises. He found me waiting for him, curled up in the darkness beneath a green silk quilt with a sick six-year-old. "How are you?" he whispered. "He's sick and the car won't start" I said. Tonight, my computer joined the ranks of the conspirators. "I'm not working," it told me, "I don't like what you write."


Anonymous said...

Hi Wife in The North! I just found your blog after reading the Sunday Times article today. I'm across the big pond, but orginally a Yorkshire lass, and I am loving your blog! You're hilarious - I havn't laughed out loud like that in a long time!!! I'm a mother of little kids too, with a work-a-holic-I'm-the-best husband, so I can relate to your complaints. Thank you for making me laugh!!!

Keep writing, 'cos I'll be back!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is wonderful; A place of refuge from the stress and strain of daily life.
You're living a life that has purpose and despite the occasional concussion or dead Volvo, a genuine satisfaction.
I live in San Francisco, California, a weird circus of squalid poverty and desperation along side amazing wealth and arrogance.
Reading your blog puts everything in proper perspective.
I thank you and wish you and your family all the best.

Calamity Jane said...

I like what you write.

(*adopts a wheedling tone* Niiiiice computer, remember you play a huge role in writing this good stuff)

Anonymous said...

love your blog, judith, and even if northumberland is bleak, well done for escaping wapping!

Whispering Walls said...

Many congratulations on your book deal! That is excellent news.

Anonymous said...

Hi Wife in the North,
I've just finished your Times article (about 90 seconds ago)and had to come and log on to say how outraged I was feeling by this pathetic , self centred B*****d you seem to be married to. Being a man I can empathise with all of his appalling traits, (having most of them myself), but to go along with this wish to live in Northumberland while continuing to work in London is selfishness of astonishing proportions. Anyway, rant over and I suspect it must be something to do with love...I think your writing is elegant and amusing and look forward to reading the book.
Best wishes in your single parenthood,
Love Steve

wife in the north said...

re calamity jane: I will try that next time.
re winchester: thankyou for that
re steve: he has his good points too

Anonymous said...

Hi Wife in the North
Found you in Grazia magazine today, have laughed till I cried!
Have 2 daughters 2 and 4 who hate me singing, and a husband away all week and sometimes longer.
Keep it up wont you!!