Thursday, February 01, 2007

Ferreting around

I am seriously contemplating getting a ferret for a pet, maybe even two ferrets, because you keep them in pairs. This is something, rather like the hunt, I would never have previously considered in my metropolitan life. "Oops there goes my ferret," on the tube would not get you any award as Passenger of the Year. But today at school, one of the women told me that she keeps a ferret (its companion ferret died). You handle them from when they are a "kit" and they get used to you and play with you. As I mentioned before, we do not have a cinema up here so needs must on the entertainment front. She told me that ferrets play with cat toys, have straw in their hutch and like a blanket to sleep in. Hers enjoys a nice shampoo in the bath. I do not know if they use this time to discuss their respective holiday plans. Her ferret also likes lying over her shoulder; I could encourage mine to lie around my neck to keep me warm. It would certainly be a post-ironic take on my fake fur scarf and if any animal protesters attacked me for wearing real fur, I could just shake the ferret at them and hope it spoke up for me. I could also tell all my London friends "Look darling everyone is wearing them this season." The critical thing apparently is not to feed them raw meat because they develop a taste for it and get aggressive. They will not wait in line in shops, shout at the TV, that kind of thing. Instead of blood-dripping meat chunks, she feeds hers dried cat food. They have their young at this time of year and the woman said that the pet shop in the nearest market town would soon have notices along the lines of "Wanted - good home for ferrets". How do they decide that one? Maybe they check you have got the Discovery channel.


Two points make me hesitate. The first; I seem to think they are very smelly although my contact in the ferret world denied this. "They just smell of ferret," she said. I do not necessarily think that is a good thing, particularly if you are going to hang it around your neck and make it part of your ensemble. That and the fact I do not know how the ferret would feel if we went back to London. She might mooch round all day, missing her little ferrety friends and moaning about the quality of the coffee and the lack of a decent hairdresser. I am not sure I could do that to her.

11 comments:

Aletes said...

I would think that a Health Visitor would be able to assess the quality, stability, lovingness in a ferret's home, so perhaps the pet shops should employ one.

simpletruths said...

I say "Do it!" - how fun to embark on an avant garde path of animal husbandry.

While they aren't my cup o'tea, I rather enjoy odd pets (except maybe snakes, but that's just me).

Anonymous said...

A couple of points here. You are still using concepts like 'season'.
Hmmm... I think you will find that here in the countryside the season changes when the weather says it does rather than when a fashion editor says so. And when the seasons do change, you will just have to ferret around in your wardrobe for what you wore last time it was spring/summer/autumn/winter [delete as appropriate] - so start investing in good quality clothing.

Not that you didn't before - you sound quite foxy, so I'm sure you weren't conned into going into trashy shops like tk maxx [shit name] or the gap [making their clothes in Suharto's Indonesia].
But even non-fashion 'quality' dull shops like M&S have abandoned old fart clothing to some extent, so that their stuff isn't really good enough for the countryside. Try 'bestinthecountry.co.uk' or keep your eye on those slightly dodgy special offers in the Telegraph..

On a lighter note, I am intrigued by the thought of you putting your ferret together from a kit. I am bloody glad that it isn't me doing it - your ferret might have only 2 legs, but some very handy appendages where its ears should be - still if there is one thing you have to learn in the countryside - it is how to improvise..Love XX

Anonymous said...

'..how the ferret would feel if we went back to London'...

Honey, face it, there is going to be some 'terror alert' / 'tube strike' / 'open warfare' / major pollution there sometime soon. Now we spoke about this before. You aren't going to Londoninium anytime soon. So stop using that as an excuse. And don't come off that naughty step until you've thought about what you've said...

Anonymous said...

Hmm...time for a bit of a slapping [metaphorically speaking]. I used to think Wales was a bit of a crappy old place. It took moving away to England to teach me what a wonderful place it is, and it took a bloody long time.

Being a bit of a 'Guardianista' the eureka moment for me went along these lines. Growing up in Wales, eating out meant going for fish & chips.

Living in a city, eating out often means going Italian, because whilst it may not, by definition, be haute cuisine, it offers something to most people in a group, and caters well for vegetarians. Now italians know a thing or two about ham. So much so that the city of 'Parma' has become synonymous with curing ham, and it has that 'protected' geographical designation which,say Cheddar cheese doesn't.

And guess what ? Curing ham is done just as well in Wales. But f**k me, I hadn't realised this because I had grown up thinking we were just a bunch of wurzles who spoke Welsh, because I was thick enough to believe the media stereotype.

And now that organic food is the 'trendy must-have' for city types, well guess what ? That's what the country people have been eating all along,because they actually have 'markets'. Things I dismissed as for 'old codgers' are now spoken about in glowing tones by Jamie, Delia et al.

So the reason for the slapping is to wake you up to the fact that I was sleep-walking around all that Wales and the countryside had to offer, and to warn you not to do the same. In return, you could bring some of the city delights to the countryside.

A cybercafe, decent cappuccino, and an 'Ann Summers' party. Go on, it would be 'putting something back'.

Winchester whisperer said...

They may help your style and your mouse problem but would the children be safe?

Anonymous said...

simple truths - even more radical concept, what about embarking on a path of 'husband' animalry..?

Clean answers only, please.

Anonymous said...

Make sure you buy hubby some bike clips...

Anonymous said...

Are they pedigreed? Maybe you can enter them at Glendale!

Anonymous said...

I suppose they'll be easier to care for than parents!

Ms Melancholy said...

The great thing about ferrets is that they keep the mice and rats away - apparently they can't stand the ferrety smell either.