Thursday, November 29, 2007

Still in La la land

Went to the doctor's yesterday I still felt so poxy after the fall downstairs. Nauseous, headachey and zip brain activity. He peered into my eyes with a torch which always makes me want to shriek with terror, then made me walk in a straight line which I can never do anyway - drunk, sober, concussed or entirely sane. As a finale, he peered down the back of my pants. Usually I would quite like that but I knew it was not a pretty sight down there. At least, it was a locum. One of the problems living in the country is doctors see you at your very worst and then you get invited out and find yourself sitting down for Sunday lunch with them. You are nibbling your sausage thinking: "Last time we met you were looking up my nose." The doctor said it was not surprising I still felt so bad because the body needed time to recover and to rest after traumatising it. (What is this thing doctors have with "rest". It must save them a fortune on their GP budgets. "I prescribe Rest and a lot of it.") On the way out of the surgery I picked up some leaflets including "Avoiding slips, trips and broken hips - How to avoid falls in the home". The leaflets are aimed at the elderly but then who would pick them up if they said "For klutzes of all ages." Apparently you spend 40 years trying to minimise your cellulite then you hit 65 and have to climb into a "hip protector" which is a giant pair of knickers with concrete pads along each side . According to the leaflet: "Hip protector underwear cuts down the risk of a fracture if you fall" and "You should wear it day and night". I am not sure how my husband will feel if I started wearing hip protector underwear at night although I quite like the idea. It also says to consider a "personal fall alarm system" and if you have a pet "fit a brightly coloured collar so that you can see it more easily and are less likely to trip over it." I do not have a pet anymore but I could make the children wear collars. I got home and said to the girl who helps me with the children: "I am thinking of getting hip protector underwear to save me breaking my hip next time I fall over." She said: "Why don't you just wear a cycle helmet whenever you're at home." One pratfall and suddenly everyone's a comedian.

13 comments:

tattyhousehastings said...

Hello
Have heard lots about your blog, and decided it was time to check it out. Really very funny, I love your style!
I've just added you to my top blogs, 'cos must remember to read it.
Would love to hear what you think of mine- have just started blogging!
Bev
http://tattyhousehastings.blogger.com

laurie said...

well, i'd have to say that for you to compose something this wryly witty means you're on the mend.

still, take it easy. (why not?)

Winchester whisperer said...

What about 10 days in an Alpine hotel to restore your health in time for Christmas?

Swearing Mother said...

Don't bother with a personal alarm, just shout "Bugger, I've fallen down the sodding stairs again" very loudly, and that will convince anyone within earshot that you are, in fact, very alarmed indeed.

Also, I find that a pair of tight fitting Magic Knickers (down-to-the-knee variety)stuffed with old sports socks, provides an excellent buffer between bottom and stairs. Everyone will think you have serious cellulite, but what the heck, needs must. And if you take thngs a bit steadier while you're out, you only need wear them in the house.

Glad to hear you're on the mend.

Norman said...

For you still to write at the same level shows you're nott too badly injured. Working the computer and writing a blog and all the other thiongs is quite involved and calls for a brain thats in working order.
I'm of to St. Ives in Cornwall for a week or so and I'll log on a gain when I get back. In the meantime like I said before....

Just gan canny hinny.

Norman said...

...which is more than I can say for the state of my brain with all those typing errors. Just had two glasses of red. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!!

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Perhaps a stair lift might be something to look at getting. If nothing else, it will entertain the children!

Crystal xx

Iota said...

The cycle helmet wouldn't have helped your bottom, though, would it? You will have to go for the helmet AND the hip protector underwear. Your husband might not like it, but he's never there, so he forfeits the right for his opinion to be taken into account.

Sweet Irene said...

You must really rest now and not be up and about writing amusing blogs. Go and lie down and forget everything else for awhile. When you truly stop hurting, we will all still be here.

Stephanie said...

Great blog, my first visit, will be back for more adventures...
www.alternativeplot.co.uk

sunshine said...

In order to fully appreciate the situation, Wifey, we need pictures. Perhaps one with the helmet, the stretch knickers stuffed with sox, and splayed out on the bed -- (no, Mutley, not THAT kind of picture!)-- empty wine glass in hand to heighten the empathy we are all feeling so strongly!

Did the doctor also say no chocolate? Oh dear-----you really must recover rapidly!

sophie said...

to much chablis darling?

Retiredandcrazy said...

Or maybe not enough Chablis darling?