Monday, June 30, 2008

Doing lunch

Am stressed to point of insanity by imminent publication of the book. This has shown itself in spots, the fact I counted them (there are 15), a chronic inability to make a decision about anything at all, insomnia and the conviction something really bad is about to happen. Why would I feel like that when in reality something really good is about to happen? I am trying not to let the insanity show, but I am not sure I am doing a very good job. Apparently, there is now "interest" from TV. I had lunch with "my agent" and "someone from TV". As you do. In Soho. As you do. I had thought about getting my hair blowdried for the lunch but since I am now a registered lunatic, I decided I could not do that in case the hairdresser found nits. I did get rid of the nits (which also meant I could not get my hair cut for the recent photo shoots). But when you are insane, if you think about the fact you had nits not long ago, your head starts to itch.

The girl from TV said she loved the book. I thought: "I wonder if she can see my spots." She said: "I think it should be post-watershed." I thought: "I'm sure I just felt something crawl across my head. " She said: "It has some really big issues." I thought: "Maybe I shouldn't have ordered the spaghetti. I'm so tired I'm not sure I have the energy to keep twirling the fork round and round." She said: "Do you have any ideas who might play you?" Suddenly, I woke up. My ideas were as follows: Dawn French, Helena Bonham-Carter and Emma Thompson. Of course, the latter two are film actresses not TV actresses so the girl from TV nodded politely and started lobbing names across the table - Sarah Parish (from Mistresses and Cutting It, haven't seen them, couldn't comment); Lesley Sharp from Afterlife (in which she plays a medium who points her finger a lot and shrieks "dead person" - a programme so scary I had to stop watching it); finally, Hermione Norris, the blonde girl from Cold Feet and Spooks. She was an alcoholic in Cold Feet - experience-wise, I don't think that's relevant.

We had to grope around quite a bit over who might play my husband because I liked the idea of the guy who played Soames in the Forsyte Saga. But if he was interested, we would have to beef up the part because he is a big star and my husband was away a lot. She went on: "I love your mother." I said: "I love my mother too." She said: "I love your mother's character - any actress would want that part." (I told my mother later - she wants Dame Judy Dench.) The thing with having lunch with "someone from TV" is that you basically get to play that game you play with friends over dinner when you are drunk, but you play it sober and nobody laughs.

31 comments:

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Excellent as always Wife in the North. How bizarre having that discussion for real...? Fingers crossed it gets picked up by TV. Love the youtube ad btw. Fabulous. Oh, I do hope the nits haven't returned and hopped onto the head of the TV person...not sure Soho can take a nits outbreak...

Tina said...

That is a fab discussion to be able to have. If that ever happens to me I think I will be played by Kathy Burke. Or Jo Brand. Or possibly Ray Winstone.

girl with the mask said...

If somebody had to play my mum on the telly I'd get Joan Rivers in.

Ordered the book from Amazon today, Wife. All the best!

Ciao said...

Hello wifey I've filled in the competition but how do I send it?

Highland Housewife said...

Please stop mentioning the nits you are making my head itch! How exciting to be discussing, for real, who might play you on TV. My friend once had a body double who did not have a better body than her. She was mortified people would think it was her body. Hope you get someone worthy to play.

Potty Mummy said...

Wow. How exciting - and I just saw the link to your ad on Pig in the Kitchen's blog - brilliant.

Karen said...

Guess what...it's still June and the exciting news is that the book has already arrived in Suffolk. I went into Waterstone's to reserve a copy today and it was there! Found a spare half hour and rushed straight into a cafe to read it. Am loving it already . Huge Congratulations and hope you find the best woman for the job...now what about Keeley Hawes of Ashes-to-Ashes. She's cool!

Mrs C said...

What fun!

Sarah Parish is avery good actress actually - could work quite well I think. Love the Dame Judy idea - she's fabulous!

Single Mother on the Verge said...

i think Hermione she is great, with oh my god, that bloke with foppish hair who loves everyone, Firth!!! Yes, him. and Judi. Have you got a love interest? Are they going to add one in if it's post watershed? How exciting. They better make it quick.

wife in the north said...

re Ciao
good point. I think it is supposed to have an email link. Presumably it has dropped out - will check.
love Hermione, I mean Keeley or is it Lesley?

Jaywalker said...

Ooh yes, Damian Lewis, good choice and that nice Hermione lady, she always seems rather wonderful. I think your mum should have Maggie Smith actually. How incredibly fun.
I would like to be played by Tim Burton in drag. Oh wait, that's Helena BC isn't it? Ok, Helena then.

I Beatrice said...

I have your book. A quick first thumb-through tells me it will be filled with delights of many and various kinds – and each rather wonderful in its own special way. It’s the sort of book I shall dip in and out of I think (like the Bible – and I mean that as a compliment: perhaps the highest of all!).

I think too that I shall recognise myself at every turn. My younger self in you, and my present in your mother – rheumatoid arthritis and all.

Very very well done anyway! I think it’s going to be a tremendous success.

(PS. Can't think yet who it is who ought to play you in the film - but it will come to me.)

The Grocer said...

Do you think we could persuade Brad to play me in a walk on cameo role. I can't wait to hear his attempt at a Northumbrian accent.

Belladonna said...

I am looking forward to buying and reading your book wifey. It's been a journey from sophisticated urbanite to countrywoman hasn't it? You are more scared of lunch than you are of shooting things. It won't be long before you've got the baking thang sorted.

Wishing you the very best of luck Judith. I love your blog and I know I'll love your book.

Sarah said...

I am enjoying saying this- I told you, so!
Perfect Sunday evening telly!
You have my sympathy over nit paranoia.
My God! I think this may be the antedote to Sex & The City!
Can I be in it?
I can waft artistically in the background, chasing half-painted canvases across Bamburgh Beach.
Look after yourself.
xxS

AlisonK said...

If it is going to be post-watershed, you could take advantage of Lesley Sharp's ability to deliver lines like "Make your own f*king tea!" (Rita, Sue & Bob Too) - I assume you & Mr Wifey have had some good rows at times?
I would certainly watch a TV version, but if this were my book, I would be terrified they would change it all. I get terrified they will change it all every time a book I love is televised.
Control issues. Me?

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Definitely Lesley Sharpe. Will there be some spirits added into the script too?

CJ xx

Frances said...

What a conundrum. The ultimate fantasy! This would NEVER happen in the states, so consider yourself extremely sensible that you agreed to move to the North of England and not North Carolina or some such crazy weather state of America! I'm with you on the Emma Thompson pick, I am sure she could be persuaded....

Mrs K said...

Hi there,
Just logged in after Times article and absolutley loving this blog. I feel as if I am reading about myself in a parallel universe! I too am Ms Urban however I put my foot down and like a spoilt child refused to move to the sticks with country boy husband. I have always wondered "what if??" And have beat myself up about being a bad mother to my four children for not giving them "the pony in the field and the lambs in the kitchen" experience. Still, thanks to Grandma, they don't miss out entirely. As for the nits episode, can you imagine being told a hairdresser about their existence on your head and you did not even know! And yes I got them off the kids! Cringe factor 1000!!
Keep up the good work. I will be buying your book as soonas I see it here it Fermanagh!
Mrs K

Red said...

Can't you squeeze George Clooney in there somewhere? He'd look fab in a pair of wellies, and doesn't he keep a pet pig?

lady thinker said...

Karen's right - keely hawes is much better choice, hermionne is too blonde, too sharp featured and a killer to boot ..
Amazon assure me the book is now in the hands of Royal Mail and 'winging' its way to me ...

Lord James Bigglesworth said...

Am stressed to point of insanity by imminent publication of the book.

Thought it was out actually. Best of luck.

rosiero said...

I think the actress who played Hilda Ogden is out of work at the moment.

Swearing Mother said...

Can I request Colin Firth play your husband? I always imagine him that way.

what happened ?how did i get HERE? said...

hi there, admit to never having heard of you or the blog until i opended the telegraph on saturday( guilty pleasure as kids with leftie ex at weekend and leftie guardian reading current b/f with his kids..v modern..).
Loved the bit about going to the beach ...and the nits!! utter mortification when one fell out of my hair during a meeting - kept going and looked steely eyed at the openly horrified man opposite ...athough trumped by the time i went to the shops with baby in buggy, him all clean and lovely and me with large streak of poo down the front of my best jigsaw jeans...

Alice3 said...

Just listened to the interview. The interviewer sounded very sensible indeed... was she wearing laced-up shoes? You sounded a very scatty, but fun kind of gal.
You read the piece about Mothers and Daughters, which is how I found this blog, when my daughter and I were clashing heads (again)... a truly golden find. I hope you do well from sharing your life with us

Garden girl said...

Hahaha- quite like Sarah Parish and Hermione Norris, I guess if you want it to be realistic though you would have to either go for Sarah or persuade H to dye her barnet..and definitely go for lovely Colin Firth, yum!

cathy said...

I have loved listening to this on Radio 4. I listen online in the evening, when I can sit down with a glass of wine and really enjoy it. I can identify with some of Judith's feelings as a year ago my partner and I moved to France, and although I love the life and our village the " fitting in" is really difficult. I will be ordering the book, and know that I will enjoy it. Thank you Judith for the quality of your writing ,nits and all!

meet me at mikes. a happy place for crafty types said...

Oh my lord! I was listening to you on the radio today via BBC online.. and when you said Hermione... I thought 'Yes' 'Very Serious' 'Very Good Actress' 'Very Grown Up'... but then I thought... Sarah Parish or whatever her name is.. she's VERY good too.. and Dawn French.. well.. she's just GOLDEN, as we say here... Whoever they choose to be you, i hope it's not Kylie Minogue... or Dannii either.. Yes.. perhaps Hermione would be good... (sorry about all the expressive dots.)

nora said...

Thoroughly enjoyed your book. Im a single mum of two, 11 and 15yrs, and we recently moved to west of ireland to the "country" from a city on the east because I decided it would be a better quality of life for my kids. I have to go to a well for water, we have badgers and foxes in our garage at night and my neighbours are 8 horses! I didnt drive before i came here, but its a necessity with no bus route and one taxi in the village! I have learnt to horseride, and drive but oh I miss the shops!! Would I go back, no! Would my teenager, YES YES YES!! Havnt had nits yet but we are regularly bitten by "things" that we cant see!! oh and we have bats also! whens the next book? Nora

MotherhoodTFF said...

So looking forward to reading the book.
I shall seek you out on YouTube