tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post1793253929210307660..comments2023-12-31T08:43:00.853+00:00Comments on Wife in the North: "Welcome home Mummy."wife in the northhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15227214647512546906noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-51865742694855063032007-04-02T15:28:00.000+01:002007-04-02T15:28:00.000+01:00I'm really sorry your little boy is being bullied....I'm really sorry your little boy is being bullied.<BR/><BR/>I was bullied all through school and as a result I ended up being educated at home after having a complete confidence meltdown in my first term of high school.<BR/><BR/>It was mostly name calling and teasing, which started from reception onwards, I was shy and a tomboy so I became an easy target for both boys and girls. I remember though never really letting my mum know how much it upset me because I didn't want to upset her and I think perhaps why I ended up so completely terrified of being at school by the time I was 11.<BR/><BR/>I think it's great that he's able to be assertive and speak his mind, that was a quality that I never had, but I personally would still take it more seriously than he is letting on, without letting him know too much that you're worried. Especially considering he sounds a little worse for wear physically aswell.<BR/><BR/>I'm sure you've got it under control! I hope he's feeling happier soon.oobshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07560291175224225333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-47437812922950322102007-03-31T09:48:00.000+01:002007-03-31T09:48:00.000+01:00My only comment would be that it is necessary to b...My only comment would be that it is necessary to be assertive with school - even if tough - because inaction by Headmasters is sometimes a much easier route for them than tackling any problems. Someone in my family ended up moving school (age 7) when the Head failed to deal with the issue.<BR/><BR/>I worry you are telling us a bit *too* much given that you are not anonymous.<BR/><BR/>HaroldAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-51246057347776281682007-03-28T14:56:00.000+01:002007-03-28T14:56:00.000+01:00it is one of my main worries too - school bullies ...it is one of my main worries too - school bullies come in all shapes and sizes and i will only know of the situatio in school if my son is open enough with me. i fear that he will only talk to me about his bullying problems when it is too late, when he comes home with a broken nose etc. he is only 3 months old right now but already, i am best with worries.<BR/>i guess the most importnt thing is to not refeclt your fear/disappointment to your child..Ms Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04813823884991910029noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-28200138991347682922007-03-24T14:47:00.000+00:002007-03-24T14:47:00.000+00:00Why don't you join the PTA or Board of Governers o...Why don't you join the PTA or Board of Governers or something? Get in a position where you can bring about change? Speak to the mothers about what is going on and make it clear you are not happy with what is going on. Try to do it under the guise of friendliness, True, they'll probably avoid you after that. It may also be the case that they are not aware exactly what is going on. Little Jack, my son says: go into that school and tell 'em, Don't you bully my son....which may work if you deepen your voice like a man.Single Mother on the Vergehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13947480104386831498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-66238310458030017842007-03-23T23:31:00.000+00:002007-03-23T23:31:00.000+00:00is there another school he can go to>? it sounds ...is there another school he can go to>? it sounds as if this is irreverisble - the other kids have targeted him and to avoid it hanging on forever...southern galhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16788322356884352516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-5165441597861083142007-03-23T00:36:00.000+00:002007-03-23T00:36:00.000+00:00It's a tad worrying that you can blog the bullying...It's a tad worrying that you can blog the bullying so tongue-in-cheek.<BR/> <BR/>As one who was bullied at school, many years ago, I can tell you that - in years to come - your little one will probably mention other litle incidents of which you know nought yet.<BR/> <BR/>As an adolescent, I watched my own parents wracked by the sudden understanding that my schooldays were so much worse than they had imagined, and the wish they had perhaps done more about it at the time.<BR/> <BR/>Get in there and, without being unreasonable at all, let it be known that you do not like what you have learned and will not accept a continuance.<BR/> <BR/>The child will benefit now. You will benefit as well, of course, but the years will be kinder to you if you can recall that you did act firmly for the lad when it would have made a difference to him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-67232400358712717702007-03-22T19:55:00.000+00:002007-03-22T19:55:00.000+00:00I will be 43 next month and the fact that I was bu...I will be 43 next month and the fact that I was bullied at primary school is still affecting my life and the way I interact with others. Like another commenter's daughter, I was picked on for being "too" clever - I used to get my reading books from the older children's class, for example, and it was these older children who then made my life a misery. It largely took place as we walked home (unaccompanied - those were the days, eh?) and was not physical, just name calling. I say "just"! The effect was to make me, ever since, do all I can not to stand out and I also know I do far too much people pleasing - even to the extent of wanting people I will never see again, to like me. Makes taking things back to shops or complaining in restaurants very difficult!<BR/>I've considered blogging, but don't think I could stand to receive negative comments....<BR/>I did OK at school later, when I could have done really well. I kept my head down. I chose a 2 year HND rather than a degree course....it goes on.<BR/>My parents tried to help - my Mum told me "sticks & stones.....", my Dad said if anyone hits you, hit them back (as I say, I don't think it quite came to that; maybe I've repressed it?) They saw the Head, but I was terrified the kids would find out and that it would make it worse and I remember begging them not to go. (They did, but I don't remember it doing any good). Gradually, I became one of the oldest at the school and it was OK then, but by that time the damage was done.<BR/>I have gradually become (a bit)better with age and with coming to understand what is making me so unassertive, but I do feel it affected my education, so I urge you to do all you can to change matters for your son. I'm not really surprised that the problem has arisen in a small C of E school - that's exactly where I went (there were 8 children in my age year. That's right, 8. Including me. So much for the baby boom of the Sixties!).<BR/>The kids at the East End primary have probably seen more different people already at age 6, than the kids in Northumberland ever will. In such a small place every tiny difference is magnified (his accent, for example?).<BR/>I don't know what to recommend. I am never entirely convinced by what I read and hear about schemes to stop bullies. But please do all you can. (My gut reaction would be to move school, or even pay for private school if you can, but I know that where you are living choice will be limited).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-31380752912150073862007-03-22T16:35:00.000+00:002007-03-22T16:35:00.000+00:00Well going nuclear worked, you know. It had the s...Well going nuclear worked, you know. It had the slightly undesirable side-effect of making all the teachers absolutely terrified of me, and ducking into classrooms to avoid me, but they became enormously supportive of my children. The more so probably because they recognise it is not easy having a termagent for a mother.<BR/><BR/>Well I think there have been good things happen in the last 280 years that are worth cottoning onto. Like oh, electricity. And aspirin and antibiotics. And the abolition of slavery. And universal suffrage. And railways. And universities. And red wine for all, even countryside dwellers. I think inclusiveness is right up there with all of those good things. <BR/><BR/>You rumbled me. Yes I do like the countryside and I confess that I do have a preference for organic waste to be spread on fields. Silly old me. I know better now. Real people shit in fields. I've got it now. <BR/><BR/>Tell me, when you come across "outsiders" do you use sticks or stones to beat them up with? Or are you one of the restrained ones who thinks that just spitting on them gets the message across without dirtying your hands? After all, the knuckles must have taken a lot of damage over the years. <BR/><BR/>Do you have any more enlightened ideas to share? I'd personally be very very interested in your views on asylum seekers. Bloody scroungers, are they?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-59821503738706563442007-03-22T16:34:00.000+00:002007-03-22T16:34:00.000+00:00Oh dear, that's very upsetting. I suggest you make...Oh dear, that's very upsetting. I suggest you make an appointment with the Head, taking with you a log of all incidents. Ask what the school's policy is on bullying and how they intend to implement it in this instance.<BR/><BR/>Enrol your son at a karate class - tomorrow.<BR/><BR/>Good luck.Chris at 'Chrissie's Kitchen'https://www.blogger.com/profile/00114973753249296715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-31730598254037395112007-03-22T16:23:00.000+00:002007-03-22T16:23:00.000+00:00The school system stinks. Just my totally biased o...The school system stinks. Just my totally biased opinion(and don't get me started on why.)<BR/><BR/>But your husband may just be right. Perhaps your son needs to lie low for a while until you have all been up there a little longer. People coming in to small communities never have it easy.Cathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14103529618681254875noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-24586903686956931412007-03-22T16:14:00.000+00:002007-03-22T16:14:00.000+00:00Poor you, what a horrible thing to come back to. I...Poor you, what a horrible thing to come back to. I have no solution at all I'm afraid. Well, no solution apart from the one my inner Italian would provide but that's probably illegal and horse's heads are hard to come by....Luckily it sounds as if he's dealing with it really well. <BR/>If my grandfather were alive he would blame it on the location. When I told him I wanted to go to Durham University he wrote to me saying that "the North of England is a terrible place and anyone that tells you otherwise is a liar." <BR/>www.helenafrithpowell.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-11377937403191915542007-03-22T16:02:00.000+00:002007-03-22T16:02:00.000+00:00reality of life in small rural schools - governmen...reality of life in small rural schools - government initiatives, roles such as subject co-ordinators etc all have to be spread amongst 3 or 4 people not 10 or 20. Head has to teach as well as do all the admin and unlikely to have enough release time - yet the admin again often as much as a big school. Pay is less so deputy head seeking headship not going to gain by applying to a small school (think it made £3 of difference for one person I knew). So small schools have lots of pluses but the teachers do have a lot more to do than in a larger school. Fact.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-89613831744644470652007-03-22T15:53:00.000+00:002007-03-22T15:53:00.000+00:00Oh yeah ! Go nuclear ! Like that is going to work ...Oh yeah ! Go nuclear ! <BR/><BR/>Like that is going to work ! <BR/><BR/>Grow up ! You have to solve this working WITH the school. <BR/><BR/>If you don't like the countryside and the fact that things have been done that way 'for 280 years' why the f**k are you living there ? <BR/><BR/>If you want all that trendy inclusiveness push off back to London !!! <BR/><BR/>This is like people who move to the countryside and then want farmers to stop spreading sh1t on the crops - YOU are the outsiders, get used to it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-46294888076617946302007-03-22T13:16:00.000+00:002007-03-22T13:16:00.000+00:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-20941852745252484982007-03-22T13:06:00.000+00:002007-03-22T13:06:00.000+00:00Poor son - in a school of crowded classes and diff...Poor son - in a school of crowded classes and different backgrounds at least there is room for variety. <BR/><BR/>Sometimes small but homogeneous groups are much harder. He seems to be finding that out.<BR/><BR/>Being six can be really shitty sometimes. But at least you can be proud of him and he can know he is doing the right thing. Hope it passes soon.Alihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11723377593068712400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-793925738310683782007-03-22T12:23:00.000+00:002007-03-22T12:23:00.000+00:00Hmm..Maybe the first step is for your husband and ...Hmm..Maybe the first step is for your husband and you to discuss and agree on what needs to be done. I think the problem is with you here. You seem to have left the town with a rose-tinted view of what the country is like. <BR/><BR/>Grow up ! Boys will be boys. This is not the 'elf and safety' paradise which other parts of the country are becoming. Your son is an 'outsider'. <BR/><BR/>He is going to take a little time to fit in. You have to work on that and for goodness sake don't go steaming in like a townie to the headmaster asking him what is he going to do. Ask yourself what are YOU going to do. <BR/><BR/>You mention the 'dreamy spires' as though people in the countryside are all lovely and soft-focus. For Goodness Sake ! Haven't you read that chapter of Laurie Lee where a rich emigrant to Australia returns to show off his wealth in the local pub ? They take him outside and kick him to death in the snow. <BR/><BR/>When in Rome, do as the Romans do. I am more concerned that your son is not playing with others than a few bumps and bruises. I was a bit of a 'loner' when I first started at school, and you do need to be sure that he is making good chums. <BR/><BR/>Why doesn't he invite them back to your house ? Is he worried about what you might say ? That you might fuss if they fall over and break something ? <BR/><BR/>It is a special privilege having sons, as whether a society does well or badly depends a lot on the quality of the menfolk - since the women seem to steady the ship come what may. <BR/><BR/>Much as I love this blog, if it is coming between you and spending a few hours chatting to your young man, maybe you should take a day off every now and then. <BR/><BR/>Lots of love, and welcome back.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-79474035169594851462007-03-22T12:20:00.000+00:002007-03-22T12:20:00.000+00:00On a more practical note have his hearing checked ...On a more practical note have his hearing checked again and also check out his legs and feet - my eldest has always been v accident prone and it seems this may in part come from a) legs slightly different length and b) foot problem which can be corrected by insoles from a chiropodist.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-43262690200727452162007-03-22T12:18:00.000+00:002007-03-22T12:18:00.000+00:00My children go to similar size rural school and th...My children go to similar size rural school and they are very very tough on bullying HOWEVER I get the feelings 2 new kids who are bluntly very definitely townies are not being accepted into the group......go and talk to the school and keep talking; small school teachers are usually very good at dealing with stuff like that and gutted if they cannot...ask other kids to come and play out of school....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-81699697355895865772007-03-22T12:08:00.000+00:002007-03-22T12:08:00.000+00:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.I Beatricehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15671136605194399080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-21294664141231714512007-03-22T11:35:00.000+00:002007-03-22T11:35:00.000+00:00It's heart-breaking when the kids come home with ...It's heart-breaking when the kids come home with tales of broken friendships, "I like him but he doesn't want to play with me," "nobody would play with me at lunchtime today," "I've broken friends with everyone" etc etc<BR/>My oldest is in Year 3, my youngest in Year 1, and it happens intermittently with both of them.<BR/>The physical stuff sounds a bit worrying at your son's school. Have they got trained people supervising playtimes? <BR/>Have they got a friendship bench?<BR/>Do they provide play equipment or do the kids just have to run around aimlessly?<BR/>When my kids are sad about friendship problems I listen, make sure they see friends from outside school as well, and suggest ways to deal with things.<BR/>My son did the exact opposite of what I suggested earlier this year and it worked. So now he's unlikely to listen to my advice ever again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-78810894275141883382007-03-22T11:27:00.001+00:002007-03-22T11:27:00.001+00:00Poor you and your boy!! I started reading your blo...Poor you and your boy!! I started reading your blog the other day with great interest.I can relate to a lot of what you write, having married an Englishman and moved with three kids from another country's capital city to a nondescript no-city no-village no-nothing place in East Midlands...but the one thing which makes me put up with my life here(for now) is the younger kids' primary school, which is absolutely brilliant. My 9 year old daughter hates holidays and weekends because she misses school, and my reception year boy who is painfully shy and who I thought would never get used to noisy and no-inhibitions kids around him, still likes his school due to the wonderful homely atmosphere created by the inspiring headmistress and teachers. He does get hit sometimes, and though his Dad has told him to hit back, he responded by quoting the teacher, who says you are not allowed to hit back, but should just tell her and she'd sort things out.<BR/>Anyway, this on top of all your other troubles! I guess in your place, if it's only five kids in his class, I'd invite them all around for some pastry-making party or whatever, to get to know them better and to be able to watch how they interact with your son. Also, if you manage to get them to like YOU, it will certainly rub off on their attitude to your boy. On the other hand, it all can just sort out itself, your son will make friends and it'd all be forgotten. Best of luck!!<BR/>(can't understand whether this has been posted or not, will click on 'publish' again, if this is a duplicate please just delete it)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-76412799559007941492007-03-22T11:27:00.000+00:002007-03-22T11:27:00.000+00:00Welcome back! How was your holiday?Welcome back! How was your holiday?Whispering Wallshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03410656699815679312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-43940392332882209022007-03-22T11:15:00.000+00:002007-03-22T11:15:00.000+00:00My best advice is to continue to give your childre...My best advice is to continue to give your children confidence to assert themselves when necessary and the wisdon to decide when it is necessary.<BR/>Unfortunately in my experience there is inevitably a degree of bullying at school, whilst as adults we find it unacceptable it is a fact of life for most of our children. Most of them will be bullyed at some point or other. With my eldest son, who is now a strapping 19yr old we took him to Karate (self defence classes) for about 18 months at the age of seven or eight, this was enough to equip him with a degree of self confidence to defend himself when these bullying incidents occured, they also teach restraint and this is as important.<BR/>I know of a good local teacher, email me and I will get contact details if you are interested.Gonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17979621132151870323noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-43261493549133956892007-03-22T10:56:00.000+00:002007-03-22T10:56:00.000+00:00Yes they should give lessons in that!Welcome back ...Yes they should give lessons in that!<BR/>Welcome back WITN and so sorry to hear about your six-year-old's trouble at school. I don't have kids of my own but I remember being bullied myself when I was a young girl and it wasn't much fun. Hope you can sort this out somehow. 6 year olds shouldn't have to deal with these sort of things, you're right.Danielehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17255763516507357558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37400848.post-26816255918183769052007-03-22T10:39:00.000+00:002007-03-22T10:39:00.000+00:00I'm terribly glad you are back - I was beginning t...I'm terribly glad you are back - I was beginning to worry. By the way, it should be "cue" for mother banging head on table.<BR/>Bullying is never easy, but usually it is because the child is different. In your son's case, he comes from elsewhere and probably speaks differently. One of the Ms Lears had her "Local talk" for school.<BR/>On the other hand he may be bright. If he is, he will be bullied forever in this country or until you get him into eg The Newton School.kinglearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10252474133821652670noreply@blogger.com